*Based on recent experience.*
1. Wake up in the morning feeling…THE WORST.
You’ve woken up…your eyes are blurred and it takes longer than you care to admit to realise that you’re on your friends sofa still wearing the clothes you wore out last night. What’s that awful smell? That’s you, my friend.
2. Reach out for a glass of water…feel like crying that you didn’t prepare one last night.
Well, of course you didn’t. You were too busy telling your friends how much you love them. Now you’ve got to somehow drag yourself up and rehydrate yourself. You’ll probably want to stop via the toilet first because all that movement is going to make you ready to…you know.
3. Gulp down all of the water and still feel unquenched.
Those 2 pints of water you just downed seemed like such a good idea, but you’ve still got that croaked throat and feeling of regret.
4. Freshen up and get dressed…but do it slowly.
It’s probably too soon for your body to handle a shower right now, so roll on some deodorant if you remembered to pack it, or squirt a bit of perfume so you feel a bit better about yourself. Not got spare clothes with you? Tough break.
5. Leave a thank you note or send a thank you text to your friends upstairs.
Whatever you do, DON’T WAKE THEM UP. Break this rule and they won’t let you crash again.
6. Get fresh air and find public transport.
Gulp in as much fresh air as humanly possible, because once you’re in that taxi/bus/train, it’s going to feel like a loud an traumatising sauna. You’ll probably want a bottle of water and ‘basic’ food right now (strong flavours = sick)
7. Try catch a micro-sleep/full on nap.
Bonus points if you remembered your earphones to drown out the sound of the public. Get comfy and lose any inhibitions about snoring in public.
8. Stop via the shop for bacon and orange juice.
Optional extras include Lucazade and chewing gum.
9. Make sarnies and juice, get into bed.
No shame in eating and drinking in bed at a time like this. Make more bacon sarnies than you think you’ll eat…because you will eat them all. This might also be the time you desperately start Googling hangover cures on your phone.
10. Sleep like you’ve never slept before.
Sleep is the only thing that makes that horrible feeling go away. Sleep, sleep, and then sleep some more.
11. Finally clean yourself.
Get up and have a shower, ya filthy animal.
12. Eat some more.
Just keep eating until you feel like a human again.
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