Oh blogging. You beautiful beast. As someone who has been a blogger for a little while, and also works in the digital industry, I enjoy imparting wisdom for new bloggers – from my Google Analytics posts, to general blogging tips. I like to think (or hope) that these sorts of posts are pretty helpful.
But just for fun, this time round I thought I’d go at it a little differently.
Here’s some really, really bad advice for bloggers that I hope you don’t take seriously because it’s going to really, really piss off the community.
Bad Advice #1 – Promote your blog EVERYWHERE
Your blog will only get noticed if you promote it absolutely everywhere. Post it all over social media, send the link to individuals, post it on forums and on poor quality sites because hell, you only have to pay a few quid for it. Google won’t mind.
Don’t forget to share it on sites like StumbleUpon, and give it as many tags as possible so loads of people stumble on it. Sure, they’ll leave instantly when it’s not what they expected but hey! That still counts as a hit, right? PR companies are going to be so impressed with your high level of “visitors”.
Other bloggers adore it when you comment on their posts with thoughtful and insightful comments such as “great pics x” and “omg i love your blog!!1′. Don’t forget to add a link to your blog’s homepage AND your most recent post! Rinse and repeat until your fingers are bleeding from all of the blatant copy and pasting you’re doing.
Bad Advice #2 – Make friends with auto DMs!
Why send a genuine direct message on Twitter when you can send a templated automated one? Make sure to include a friendly message about how much “everyone hates auto DMs but hey you’ll like this one!”. Also include the link to ALL of your social media platforms as well as your blog.
I really recommend Crowdfire, I’ve heard great things about it.
Bad Advice #3 – F4F
Everyone knows the only way to get genuinely engaged followers is with a “follow for follow”! Pretend to be really friendly when really as soon as they follow you back, you’re definitely going to unfollow them. But they won’t notice so it’s a-OK!
This really works for Instagram too…everyone in the community has recently been talking about how much they love being unfollowed on the platform!
Bad Advice #4 – Work for exposure! Exposure is priceless!
Hot diggity, dog! A PR has emailed you asking you to write an article about car insurance and they’re going to pay you with the gold dust that is EXPOSURE!
Cor blimey, you’re going to get your article shared on their blog that gets 0 visitors, and shared on their Twitter where their only followers are a series of eggs that are definitely, definitely legit accounts.
Bad Advice #5 – Cause dramz
Nothing brings the blogging community closer together than a bit of Twitter dramz. Say something unnecessarily controversial that you don’t even believe yourself, step back and watch the fireworks! You’ll soon gain blogging cred for being so badass. Go you!